So, I’ve been buried in the rabbit hole, deeply engrossed, digging…digging…digging. Editing and writing, writing and editing. A mindless myriad of wordsmithing at its very best. I’ve wanted to write this newsletter for two weeks, but as I chase the passages of my manuscript or craft new ones, time seems to slip farther away. The sands of my life trickle before me at an unstoppable rate. I find myself clutching tightly to them, begging them to stop the relenting, tireless pace that means life is moving forward. But nothing and no one can change it or alter it. So I try to thrive in it, live fully and love more.
I’m about to tackle a rather large book promotion and marketing campaign that will begin in the coming weeks. It has me riding the edge of my sanity. And for those of you that know me personally, you know that I’m obsessive, if not meticulous, in my pursuits. It has me scrambling towards the unattainable. Need I say, perfection. Is there really such a thing? The best we can hope for is to find beauty in imperfection, love in the hardened hearts of those deemed too broken to love, and hope where everything seems despairing. Friendship, love, compassion, desire and understanding are really one thing…the humanness of life. It’s how we embody those characteristics that mold and shape us into who we are. I’ll fight tirelessly and passionately for the people I care about, but I’ll fight to the death for myself. That alone is a new revelation for me. I’m nothing if not true to myself. Life is short and I have to believe we are the masters of our own destiny. We all need to find our way in this crazy world – right or wrong – we must LIVE! One step and breath at a time.
After much ado about my novella, Claiming Emerson, which is virtually complete, along with no less than three other manuscripts that are all in various states of progress, I’ve made a decision to push everything aside to write the fourth book in the Merger series. Despite the happily ever after that comes at the end of Merger Complete, I left it open-ended and gave myself the option to continue on. Funny enough, I was stopped in the grocery story by a complete stranger. God, it was early in the morning and I’m sure it took courage to stop me in the produce department as I tapped and sniffed a pineapple. Thank you for feeling so compelled to reach out, it meant the world to me. Anyway, she applauded my series, which she’d just completed, and inquired where my characters ended up at the end. Literally. Did they end up in California or New York City? I was so taken aback that the slow creep of a full smile almost seemed animated, even to me. I wanted to scratch my head. It’s a fictional story after all. I was baffled and frankly, unsure how to answer. Hell, last I checked they were on the beach in Malibu with Josh on his knees, in tears, clutching the woman he’d walked through hell and back to have. With her finally making the ultimate commitment to be his forever. (or so we think:) Needless to say, it was one of the greatest fan moments I’ve had because it’s everything you hope for in a reader. That they get lost in your characters. That they become tangible. I love, love, loved it! This message is to this passionate, beautiful woman who rocked my world when I really needed it most. If you’re a subscriber of my newsletters (I don’t get your names, just your email addresses) I want to thank you for encouraging me to continue the series. They do end up somewhere and you’ll soon find out where. She wanted more, other’s have begged for more and Penny, my marketing guru, said that it was time to continue the saga. Since I’m about to promote the hell out of it, with her help (big bucks, I might add) I’ve decided to write Merger Reignited. I’ve gotta tell you, writing about Josh and K.K. is like coming home for me. I wrote almost fifteen thousand words in the last two weeks and the story is unfolding brilliantly. My cover artist is working on a cover and I’m doing my thing daily, writing, proofing and editing.
I’ll try not to let too much time pass between these updates in the future. Just know I’m always thinking of you. Someday’s I just can’t see the forest for the trees. It’s funny, when I had a full-time job and wrote at night, I felt like my writing time was so precious I wouldn’t sacrifice it for anything and now that I’m a full-time author, that time seems more valuable than ever. Despite the fact that I have more of it. I treat this authoring business like a job. I sit my butt down by nine in the morning and I write, blog or god forbid, hang out on social media (the bane of my existence) all day long. Or at least, until the bus delivers my kids. Then life gets in the way. I’m a virtual hermit, that loathes giving up a minute of my time. I have to make the effort to call my friends, get through a cup of coffee without reheating it a dozen times and stay grounded in the real world. I understand now, how writers become lost in their own world. It’s easy to do.
Here’s what I’m listening to: LA VIE EN ROSE
Here's what I'm drinking (There's more than one way to kick a week off): BLOODY MARY'S
I have to admit mine aren't quite as exotic and if it's not Zing Zang it's not good
Lyrics that resonate:
Pale Semptember - Fiona Apple
Pale september, I wore the time like a dress that year
The autumn days swung soft around me, like cotton on my skin
But as the embers of the summer lost their breath and disappeared
My heart went cold and only hollow rhythms resounded from within
But then he rose, brilliant as the moon
And sank in the burrows of my keep
And all my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm, as Im singing him to sleep
He goes along just as a water lily
Gentle on the surface of his thoughts his body floats
Unweighted down by passion or intensity
Yet unaware of the depth upon which he coasts
And he finds a home in me
For what misfortune sows, he knows my touch will reap
And all my armour failing down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm, as Im singing him to sleep
All my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm, as Im singing him to sleep.
Kasey (K.K.) Blakely
Merger Reignited by Heather Miles
I wanted to kiss her, hold her and taste every inch of her. I didn’t care about the sand. The grit seeping between my back or between our clothes. She was in my arms and that’s all that mattered. I wouldn’t even feign that the salty air that misted over us from the lapping Pacific Ocean only feet away was what was making me cry. I squeezed her tighter, afraid my mind was playing a cruel trick on me. A fucking mirage that would slay me if it were true. I knew I was crushing her with my hands and arms, even my legs wanted to circle around hers to stake their claim over her body. My hug bordered on brutal, but I was powerless to let her go. Her embrace was equally constricting, like a vice around my ribs and lungs. I didn’t care if they snapped under the pressure of her love, or if my lungs collapsed, I was barely breathing anyway. The love I had for this woman was so profound that it thrived in every pore of my being. It was like looking into a beautiful kaleidoscope, each color more vivid and beautiful than the last. I couldn’t even remember where she stopped and I began. I was a ball of yarn and she was unraveling me little by little, exposing me. I didn’t care. She owned me.
“I love you,” she whispered. Her voice was as soft and rough as tattered velvet as she wept the words that licked at the wounds of my soul. Tears, wet and warm, mingled with mine, as our mouths fused together in unabashed need. Both of us seeking the solitude of grace and understanding in one another. Overwhelmed was an understatement neither of us could deny.
“You belong to me.” My lips trembled against hers, mimicking the four note cards that put me in her arms and had me on the most desperate scavenger hunt of my life. A trail of roses that put me here, on the beach, and in her arms. The only place I ever wanted to be. You. Belong. To. Me. I did, and had, since the moment she tripped from that fate-laden treadmill into my arms, sweaty and oh, so god damn beautiful. A fallen angel put on earth just for me.
She whimpered with a nod, sinking deeper into my mouth with a desperation that matched my own, exploring me…devouring and loving me. We clung to one another like our lives depended on it and I’m not so sure it wasn’t true. At least not for me. We’d risen above the black abyss of despair that had us hopeless to survive one another. “I belong to you, Josh,” she said, looking up at me through tear stained lashes. The blue of her eyes hidden behind the flood of emotions that had us both in its grips. Happiness, sadness, love and hope, and everything in between. It didn’t matter if they were tears of joy, tears for me, or us. It ripped my fucking heart out to see them. I never wanted to see her cry, not now, not ever. She’d cried enough for one lifetime and I was running a close second, nearly sprinting past her in the last week. Tears and all, a snotty mess of flushed cheeks and quivering lips above me, peering down at me like I was her whole world, she was my queen and I’d spend my life making sure she knew it. “I’m sorry that I ever gave you a reason…”
“Shhh…” I quieted her with my mouth, kissing her chastely and shaking my head. I knew where those words were headed, I’d taken part in living them, and I didn’t need a reminder of how we’d failed at this thing once before. I’d never let it happen again. I didn’t want to talk about the past, that shit filled nightmare that had my head spinning like a scene from the Exorcist. I wanted to focus on the future…our future. The one we’d rewrite into the romance it was always meant to be. A passionate love story we’d live every day and share with our children.
Weeks of trials and tribulations had culminated to this very moment. It was as if time was standing still for one brief moment. I was soaking in the seconds, breathing in the time, the place, the girl. I’d set off on a quest a week earlier to ask her to marry me, not pressuring her for an answer, but hoping and praying that she’d say yes. So much had happened between us. Love, death, secrets and lies, betrayal, anger and hurt, all colliding together, threatening the foundation of our lives, our future and our partnership. I’d all but crawled on my hands and knees, through the pits of hell, over the gravel of my emotions and shattered heart to beg for her forgiveness, trying to right all the wrongs, and she’d done the same. I left New York with nothing more than faith, desire, and a dream of a life with her in it. The picture of us, together, so ingrained in my mind it was burned into my soul. I never saw it any other way. I didn’t want to even think that she wasn’t going to be mine. That I’d lose her, or worse, lose her to someone else. Not hearing from her for over a week while she deliberated her future and mine, was like an anvil crashing through my chest, breaking every rib until it found my heart, destroying every ounce of hope I had for the chance at forever. As each day passed, I felt more and more nervous that she’d choose him over me. The idea of it was gut-wrenching.
Dr. Jeremy Nichols was my nemesis, the bane of my existence, the anti-Christ of my fucking existence…but a viable competitor for her love. As much as I hated him and believed that I was the only true love she’d ever known, I couldn’t help but wonder if my love was enough. If I was enough. But it was enough. It didn’t feel like victory to have her in my arms, it was destiny. A fate I’d known since I first laid eyes on her and decided that I’d stop at nothing to have her.
My heart raced, pressuring my ribs to split so it could soar. I stared up at her as if I was seeing her for the first time. She’d always been captivating and beautiful, but she’d never looked as ethereal as she did right this minute, glowing with happiness, love and hope. She laced her fingers in my hair and I moaned in delight, chasing every gesture, leaning farther into her touch. Eating it up like nourishment that would sustain me. It didn’t matter how or where she touched me, just that she did. Our bodies vibrated against one another, shuddering electric pulses of life, enveloping and bonding us as one. I wanted to feed her the air from my lungs and steal hers in return. I circled my fingers around the slender nape of her neck and pulled her mouth to mine.
“I’m so in love with you.” I brushed my nose against hers and claimed her lips tenderly, beseeching her to let me kiss the depth of those words into her. I wanted to show her. I craved the intimacy of that connection and knew the power it held between us. I swallowed a beautiful whimper as she nodded in acknowledgment. My decree was branded on my heart. The one she held in her delicate hands.
Her tongue slid over mine, tasting the words with gentle strokes that made me weak and stripped me bare. I’d give her the world for just one of her kisses. This one was no different. She said my kisses held magic for her, that they melted her and made her body weak with lust. I couldn’t deny that hers did the same for me. By the time our mouths parted we were a panting mess, my cock was a thick bulge beneath her and I had no doubt what I’d find between her silky thighs, but as much as I wanted to make love to her, I just want to be. Be with her, see her and talk to her. With my engagement ring finally on her finger, my mother’s ring, and the promise of tomorrow, I could finally settle into the emotions of just being us. There would be time for everything else.
Stay tuned for more of Merger Reignited. Coming Spring 2016!
Spend some time with a good book, good music and good friends. I'm already fifteen books into my hundred book reading goal for 2016. I know it's crazy, but if I'm not writing, I'm reading. I'm in the middle of the audio version of The Play, by Karina Halle and book one on my Kindle of my bff's favortie author crush: Sylvain Reynard's Trilogy, Gabriel's Inferno.
As always...stay tuned in and turned on.
Heather M. Miles